3 Things I Wish I Knew My 1st Year as a School Administrator

As I reflect on 14 years as a school administrator, I can't help but think about how I could have approached a few things differently early on in my career. I wrote this with women in mind because of the unique challenges we face as we take on new leadership roles.

3 things I wish I knew my first year as a school administrator:

1. Being trusted is more important than being liked.

As women, we're taught from a young age that being liked is crucial to achieving success.    Our culture reinforces it constantly with language that tells us how women who aren't likable are rude, bitchy, aggressive, and even ugly. It's no wonder women struggle when someone doesn't like them at work. However, you don't have to be liked to be successful at your job. But you DO have to be trustworthy. I see people confuse the two all the time! When you meet with parents, teachers, colleagues, and even students, are you listening for understanding or to respond? How do you take action? Do you follow through or make empty promises? Are you transparent, or do you hide information for fear it could lead to confrontation? How are you empathizing with the people around you? Remember, you can affirm someone's feelings without condoning their actions. It sucks not to be liked, but it is a reality for school administrators and leaders. The sooner you get comfortable with that, the sooner you can shift your focus to becoming a trusted partner.  

2. Your relationships with colleagues will change.

Many women move up from faculty or staff positions into leadership, often leaving behind colleagues with whom they've forged close relationships. Believing that those relationships can remain the same is dangerous. As women, our friendships are essential to our self-care, mental health, and feeling connected to our community. You CAN still have close relationships, but recognize that the nature of those connections will look different! Start with establishing new boundaries of communication, such as confidential information about decision-making. Showing favoritism based on friendship rather than merit can undermine your relationship with all of your colleagues at school. And don't forget to communicate those expectations. If someone implies or asks for preferential treatment, do not dance around it. Compassionately address it head-on (think "pleasantly aggressive!")

3. Get clear on your responsibilities. 

Becoming an administrator is exciting and overwhelming. I remember wanting to make decisions and impact the community in ways I hadn't been able to. That enthusiasm is needed! However, it quickly snowballed into taking on responsibility for things that were not mine. As an administrator, it's easy to rationalize how everything affects your department. (Example: I found myself choosing paint colors for a hallway because, as the Admissions Director, I was responsible for tours, and therefore the appearance of the building and, therefore, the paint choices.) Women are taught to be helpers (rather than ask for help), leading to feelings of responsibility over any and everything around them. Do you ever hear the voice in your head saying, "If I don't do it, who will?" Silence her. Then find the person responsible for that thing, delegate, and go back to your job. You were hired for your expertise in a particular area. Stay in that wheelhouse. Use admin meetings, one-on-ones with your Head of School or boss, and committee discussions to share your concerns about more strategic or school-wide initiatives. You will achieve your goals while reducing burnout, and who doesn't want that?