Variations of the Trolley Problem

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Photograph by Justin Sullivan / Getty

You are walking through a rail yard when you notice a runaway trolley careening your way. Directly in its path are five people, bound and lying across the tracks. They will die if nothing is done.

There is a lever nearby. Pulling it will divert the trolley onto another track. On this other track, however, is a man who cannot hear or see you or the trolley. You can stand by and do nothing, watching as five innocent people die, or you can pull the lever, directly causing one man’s death. Which is the more ethical choice?

It’s a decades-old thought experiment, now with several new variations!

THE JIM CARREY
The dilemma is the same, except that you recognize the guy standing alone as the actor and comedian Jim Carrey. And this is “Dumb and Dumber”-era Jim Carrey. In fact, he’s in costume, and has that bowl haircut he sported in the eminently quotable 1994 film. Remembering all of those funny lines makes you smile. What a great movie.

The five tied up people are also Jim Carrey—clones, you assume—but they’re the modern, anti-vaxxer version, with full beards and dead eyes.

THE THREAD
In this variation there is no second track but there is another man standing nearby, between the trolley and the five helpless people. If you shove him onto the tracks, his body will likely stop the trolley. You know nothing about this man except that at this very moment he’s on his phone composing a tweet that begins with the word “THREAD.”

Also, he’s vaping.

THE LONG OVERCOAT
You can’t be a hundred per cent sure, but it looks like the person standing alone is actually two small people, one standing on the other’s shoulders, sharing a long overcoat. Could they be children? Who are they trying to fool? And why? In any case, they’re probably up to no good.

Does that merit a death sentence, though?

__THE HITLER__

The lone man is Adolf Hitler.
Actually, this one is kind of a no-brainer, isn’t it? Not sure why it’s even listed here.

THE VIOLINIST
Again, the person standing alone is actually two people. But this time one of them is a world-famous violinist who’s been surgically attached to the other person. And you think, “Wait, that’s another thought experiment altogether. The abortion one. What the hell is going on here?”

Whatever is going on, it looks like the one person has had just about enough of the other person’s fucking violin playing. He would probably welcome death.

THE HENCHMAN
Same dilemma as the original, except that you wouldn’t be pulling the lever yourself. One of your henchmen would pull it. From your position, many yards away, you would look your henchman in the eye and nod, almost imperceptibly. He would understand.

P.S. In this variation, you have henchmen. Because you’re a mob boss or something.

THE CHISELLED FEATURES
The lone man is athletic and attractive, whereas the five others are not, to put it charitably. This adds yet another wrinkle. Not because attractive people are more deserving of life than ugly ones are, but because—at a moment with so much at stake—you noticed such superficial traits in the first place.

What does that say about you?

THE BOWLING PINS
Instead of lying across the tracks, the five bound people are standing, arranged like bowling pins. While still horrific, you have to admit that this is a little funny—you can’t help but hear that “bowling-ball-knocks-pins-over” sound effect in your head.

THE BLUETOOTH
You know nothing about the lone man, but the five people tied up are all wearing Bluetooth headsets. Not such an easy choice, is it?

You feel paralyzed, so you decide to seek advice online. You take out your phone, open Twitter, and write, “O.K., Internet hive mind . . . ”

The trolley hits you at 40 m.p.h. You never had a chance.