Issue 11: Live Your Life  

COMMENT 💬

Estimated Reading Time: 15 minutes

December is a month when most people feel overwhelmed, less disciplined, and more hurried. For some people, this mindset extends year-round.

If you feel overwhelmed, take a look at the resilience hack in this issue about the importance of creating a "stop doing" list as part of your 2023 resolutions.

The holidays are a time when family and friends spend more time together. It’s also a time when some people's anxiety rises because they feel like outsiders in their family and friend circles. Others are alone and feel more lonely and depressed during the holidays. If you stumble across someone who might need some support, then consider practicing community care. It involves being there for someone without them having to take that first step, either because they won't or they can't. People who are marginalized and have lost their agency often don't ask for help because it's not a part of their culture and they don't want to be a burden to others.

One of the most important questions to ask someone who may be suffering in silence during the holiday season is to ask, “How can I support you?". Consider how you can use your agency to help someone live better and happier.

Spinning Forward has been doing audience listening by talking to BIPOC creatives and creators in the Greater Toronto Area. They said they enjoy reading the creator profiles and how they overcame challenges to succeed in areas that are unfamiliar because there are few models.

In 2023, there will be more profiles of racialized creators and we'll be adding audio and video content. There will also be a new podcast where creators from the GTA come together to discuss topics and issues important to them.

If you enjoyed this issue, please share it.

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Flavian

Publisher and Editor, Spinning Forward

QUOTE OF THE WEEK 📜

What “Sort Of” has done and masterfully, is depict the space between total rejection and total acceptance that many queer people occupy when it comes to their families; a space in which parents say all the wrong things on a loop and then, out of the blue, something right.

-Samra Habib, author of the queer, Muslim memoir, “We Have Always Been Here"

  • Canada Reads 2020 winner
  • National bestseller
  • One of book riot's 100 most influential queer books of all time

Photo source: Samra Habib

NEWS: NEED TO KNOW 🔎

Book: Behind Their Screens: What Teens are Facing (and Adults Are Missing)

In their new book, Behind Their Screens: What Teens Are Facing (And Adults Are Missing), Harvard researchers and authors, Carrie James and Emily Weinstein wanted to know how young people use their phones. They studied 3,500 adolescents across the U.S. about their tech habits, fears, civic and political activism, and behaviors like sexting culture, cancel culture and being snubbed on group chats.

The book's goal was to convey teens' real-world experiences with social media, how they actually spend time online and how they feel about screen use. The authors write that teens often hear an oversimplified view from adults that screens are "bad for you" or a "waste of time". Through Project Zero, James and Weinstein conducted research for more than a decade on young people's digital lives in relation to their well-being and civic agency.

Insights from the Behind Their Screens.

Friendship, support, performative pressure, exclusion and mental health on social media

  • Teens don't want unlimited screen time. They know they're not getting enough sleep and experience FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) online.
  • Today, technologies are non-negotiable in order to preserve friendships. There is no way to opt out without major social repercussions and teens wish adults were more understanding about their predicament.
  • Teens spend a lot of time thinking about the dynamics of group chat. They carefully observe who's in and who's out in a group chat and the real ramifications around subsequent offline social dynamics.
  • Teens often use apps like "Find My Friends" or Snapchat's snap maps feature to see which of their friends are hanging out in real-time spaces and wonder why they were excluded.
  • Teens realize there is an adolescent mental health crisis - particularly around youth depression and anxiety. Those who aren't struggling are very likely to be empathic and want to reach out to friends and peers who are struggling. The result is teens keep their phones on for fear of not being available to friends in distress. They often feel a burden and guilt when parents say, "just get off your phone" at times when they need to be there for friends, which means having phones nearby.
  • Social media helps meet teens where they're at in their development. It supports self-expression, helps them explore their interests and values, connect with peers, and satisfies their curiosity about the broader world.
  • Positive ways that teens connect through social media include forming online study groups, staying in touch with friends, and finding peer support for just about any issue they might be dealing with.

Civic and political activism on social media

  • In the past, teens say being political online was optional. Today, civic and political engagement feels expected and obligatory. Teens feel like they are under the microscope and fear what may happen if they get it wrong when posting online. For example, teens say their peers often monitor who speaks up and who stays silent on many issues. They risk getting called out for being hypocritical, performative, problematic, or insincere.
  • When Black Lives Matter (BLM) happened, teens felt their friends were tested based on whether they did or did not post about urgent civic issues. The timing of posting online matters a great deal because friends and acquaintances are watching.
  • Some teens refuse to reveal their political views because of possible consequences and what the authors describe as an "echo chamber of enforced consensus".

Cancel culture on social media

  • Teens are fully aware their digital footprints may come back to bite them later. They know that making mistakes is part of growing up. But they feel like they are living in a world where they're not allowed to make mistakes.
  • Teens often take screenshots of social media posts and private text conversations. This is for when things get taken out of context and friendships get strained or break down. They're concerned about damaging their reputation and every ready to set the record straight through screenshots.
  • Teens want adults to help them learn and handle mistakes with integrity and grace rather than taunting them about how their posts will haunt them in the future. They want help figuring out app features and privacy settings to better protect themselves.

Summary

The authors argue that young people want to feel more "digital agency" and have more control over their tech habits. Adults and parents have an important role to play and need to stop making assumptions, being adversarial, and constantly battling teens about their screen time. A better approach is for adults to listen and understand the behavior of teens is not simply black and white. Adults need to see what young people see and want for themselves based on how different it is to grow up digitally today. That means being able to "create space for young people" to explore and navigate the challenges, tensions, and opportunities of home life, school life, and life online.

nextbigideaclub.com

Teens say social media strengthens friendships, and provides support but don't like the drama and pressure

There are growing concerns about the negative aspects of social media, especially for teens. The White House earlier this year announced a task force to address online harassment, and the potential harms teens face when using social media. In Canada, the Trudeau government promised in the last election that they would introduce an "online harms bill" and have been holding discussion panels with Canadians, stakeholders, and representatives from minority groups.

Despite concerns from adults and parents, most teens feel upbeat about social media. The Pew Research Center in 2022 surveyed 1,316 teens, ages 13 to 17, across the United States about their thoughts and feeling on using social media. The results of the study showed teens are mainly positive in how they feel about social media.

The Positives

  • 73% of teens see their experience on social media as more positive compared to how adults imagine it for them.
  • 80% of teens feel more connected to their friends.
  • 71% say social media gives them an outlet to be more creative.
  • 67% say social media makes them feel they have support in difficult times.
  • Only 9% say social media affects them negatively.

The Negatives

  • 45% of girls and 27% of boys feel a lot or a little "overwhelmed because of all the drama".
  • 37% of girls and 24% of boys feel "like their friends are leaving them out of things".
  • 32% and 27% of boys report feeling a lot or a little "pressured to post content that gets comments or likes".
  • 28% of girls and 18% of boys say social media makes than feel a lot or a little "worse about their own life".

Black and Hispanic Teens Feel Supported Online - Black and Hispanic teens say that what they see on social media makes them feel like they have a lot of support and are accepted a lot more. - Black teens in particular are more likely to feel social media gives them a creative outlet. 40% of Black teens feel that social media is an ideal place to showcase their creative side compared to 25% for Hispanic and white teens.

Other topics that teens have thought about include cancel culture, digital privacy, political and social activism, and a need to use social media to promote causes they care about.

To review the complete 2022 study, click here.

pewresearch.org

YouTube announced Canada's 2023 class of #YouTubeBlack Voices Fund creators

Earlier in 2020, YouTube announced a new fund, called the YouTube Black Voices Fund, a global, multi-year commitment to focus on and grow Black creators and artists. The fund offers dedicated partner support, seed funding for developing creator channels, and the opportunity to participate in training, workshops, and networking.

The goal is for black creators to gain more visibility on the platform, grow their community, and succeed financially through donations and sponsorships. YouTube also wants to produce and acquire new YouTube Original programs covering racial justice and Black experiences.

The YouTube Black Voices Class of 2023 includes 11 Canadian creators and artists who join the 120+ creators from the United States, United Kingdom, Brazil, and Africa. Two winners in 2022 were Reni and Mane Yousuf. The eleven winners for 2023 include:

  • Adanna Madueke - Adanna covers beauty, building confidence, and supporting the de-stigmatization of natural hair.
  • Arccway - Tolu Atkinson helps men globally take care of their health and well-being by focusing on dressing to their personal style, grooming, and skincare advice.
  • Dbrazierr - DeQuawn is a variety creator who covers art and self-expression through digital art, amateur filmmaking, skits, and dance challenges. He wants to bring joy to his community.
  • Fatima Bah - Fatimah covers beauty and how Black women present themselves in the best possible way. She creates content around fashion, makeup, and personal hygiene.
  • HINDZ - Hindz is an artist and storyteller and has a visual storytelling podcast. He covers mental health, culture, spirituality, self-love, and other topics in an audio-video format.
  • MiDASTECH - Tom creates videos in the tech & DIY space.
  • O'Neil Gerald - O’Neil is a singer/songwriter, vocal coach, and music educator. He helps his audience overcome their inner fear and rediscover their desire to sing.
  • Steph & Den - Dennish and his partner Steph share how they navigate their lives in their 20s, working in and then quitting corporate jobs, and investing and saving money.
  • The OT Love Train - Olus B and Dorothy Tuash are a content creator couple who want to be known for Black authenticity, positivity, and excellence. They cover lifestyle, relationships, and humorous personalities.
  • Tirrrb - Thieb creates activist content from the view of Canadian immigrants and also addresses prejudice and bigotry.
  • TOBi: Oluwatobi is a musician who makes soul music. His content covers his audio and visual art as well as behind-the-scenes videos. His second studio album, Elements Vol 1 won the 2021 Juno Award for Rap Record of the Year.
blog.google

PROFILE: DO WHAT YOU ARE ❤️ 🫶

Bilal Baig wants you to know queer relationships are complicated

Season 2 of "Sort Of" (trailer), the award-winning Canadian comedy TV series was released on November 15 on CBC Gem and on December 1st on HBO. Co-created by Fab Filippo and Bilal Baig, Sort Of is a Canadian comedy-drama set in Toronto. It stars Baig who plays the lead, Sabi Mehboob, and is about a non-binary millennial trying to balance their roles as a child of Pakistani immigrant parents, a bartender at an LGBTQ cafe, and a nanny to two young children of a professional couple. Baig, the 27-year-old actor, and writer is the first South Asian, queer, Muslim actor, to lead a Canadian TV series.

Recognition

Sort Of won three Canadian Screen Awards and a Peabody. The New York Times called it one of the best shows of the year and Time magazine described Baig as a “next-generation leader”.

Why Sort Of Works

Filippo and Baig modeled the dramedy on other shows about 20-somethings who juggle jobs, friends, and romantic partners. The twist was to add body type, skin colour, and gender with a counter-narrative. They didn’t want to portray queer and transgender characters as stereotypes (think of the word “sassy” walking around snapping fingers at everyone) where often bad things happen and they meet a tragic end. Instead, they had a bigger goal to tell a story about the “complexity and fluidity of all humans” across genders, ages, and sexual and racial identities. The result was deeper, kinder, and gentler conversations with every character who is also in flux. They are transitioning and transforming as they deal with a series of interconnected problems that all people go through.

Audience Reaction

Asked about reactions to the show, Baig told the CBC,

"I feel like a word that gets used a lot when people talk about their experience watching the show is 'healing,' and I take that pretty seriously. …Because I think that there is a lot of pain and in the world and in particular communities."

Seasons 2 explores the theme of love around romance, family and friendship. Baig says a friend described the show as,

"like a big long hug”.

One reason the show is resonating with audiences globally is because it is real and honest yet gentle and kind in the way it tells complex human stories for each character without pigeonholing them.

Co-star Grace Lynn Kung, who plays Bessy, the mother of the children Sabi is a caregiver for, had an insightful observation about the show’s audience,

"We don't know what everybody's going through, but [we do know] that they're finding something and they're reaching out and they're saying, 'Thanks for making me feel a little bit less alone or making me feel heard or making me laugh.'”

Family

Baig uses they/them pronouns and identifies as queer and transfeminine. While Baig is more pragmatic and seems more in control, their relationship with their Pakistani parents is similar to the character, Sabi. Both Baig and Sabi have a complicated relationship with their parents and at times, there is a sense of estrangement.

Baig was born in east Toronto and grew up in Mississauga in a working class famly as the third of four kids. Baig in recent years didn't have much contact with their parents. Their parents didn't even know Baig was transgender or an accomplished writer and actor whose television series was about to be broadcast across Canada in 2021. Instead of meeting their parents in person, they first explained who they were by writing letters. They sent one letter to one parent and another letter to the other parent. Baig's mother didn’t respond, but their dad did, saying:

I love you no matter what.

The three of them met a week later at a coffee shop in Liberty Village in Toronto. Baig recalls,

"It was a complicated moment. And it was a complicated conversation."

Baig's mother worried about their safety because in Pakistan, the trans community is associated with the "third gender" and has a history of discrimination and violence. Baig who is very self-aware, prefers deeper connections and thrives on introspective conversations. They were upset because their parents didn't react, didn't freak out, didn't go deeper, and remained quiet.

Heathier Conversations

While progress has been slower with their parents, Baig is proud of how "Sort Of" has changed conversations for people and improved the dynamics of other families. They said,

“I’ve gotten messages from people saying their parents totally get their pronouns now, or parents sending me DMs saying ‘I get it in a way I hadn’t before seeing the show.’”

Creating Space

Toronto-based Samra Habib, is the author of the queer, Muslim memoir, “We Have Always Been Here. Their relationship is fraught but there are some hopeful moments. Habib told the Toronto Star,

What “Sort Of” has done and masterfully, is depict the space between total rejection and total acceptance that many queer people occupy when it comes to their families; a space in which parents say all the wrong things on a loop and then, out of the blue, something right.

In Season 1, Sabi’s mother, Raffo, (played by Ellora Patnaik) calls their cell phone out of the blue. When no one answers, she leaves a brief voicemail, saying,

“Live your life."

Every parent wants to say these words but not every parent does. If you’re going through stuff and feel a bit lost, then maybe hearing these words from Raffo and watching the series itself, is the comfort and blanket you need right now.

nytimes.com

RESILIENCE HACKS 💪🏾 ✌🏽💯

When making your New Year's resolutions, consider creating a 'Stop Doing' List

Many are thinking at this time of year about their 2023 resolutions. Jim Collins wrote the bestselling book, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't in 2001. He says that most people tend to lead busy and undisciplined lives. They keep ever-expanding "to do" lists that they're always doing without end. In his book, Collins and his research team examined the performance of 1,435 good companies over 40 years and identified 11 companies that became great.

One consistent finding across all good-to-great leaders was the ability to use "stop doing" lists as often as they used "to do" lists. That meant exercising discipline and good judgment by saying no and unplugging from "all sorts of extraneous junk".

The 20-10 Exercise

Collins believes that individuals on a personal and professional level can have great working lives by using "stop doing" lists. He recalls being shocked when Rochelle Myers, a colleague, and a professor at Stanford's Business School told him he was undisciplined, had a ferocious work pace, and lived a hurried life. After Myers gave him the 20-10 exercises, Collins changed his life and his stop doing list became an annual ritual.

The exercise is as follows. Assume you wake up tomorrow and receive two phone calls. The first phone call tells you that you inherited $20 million with no strings attached. The second call tells you that you have been diagnosed with an incurable and terminal disease and you have up to 10 years to live. What would you do differently? More importantly, what would you stop doing? Leading a disciplined life is how you can lead a more focused life.

Your Personal Hedgehog

Collins believes the start of the new year is a wonderful opportunity to start your "stop doing" list, whether for your company, family, or yourself. The list should be based on clarifying three overlapping circles and questions he calls the personal hedgehog concept. The questions are:

  1. What are you deeply passionate about?
  2. What are you genetically encoded for - what do you feel you're "made to do" and "put here for"?
  3. What makes economic sense?

The way to find the practical intersection of the three circles is to "test and learn", then adjust and repeat until you feel you are on target. To see where you currently are, take an inventory of your activities in the past few days and observe how much of your time falls outside of the three circles. If the number is more than 50%, then start your stop doing list. As you get more disciplined with your time that is aligned with your personal hedgehog, expect your life and the lives of people you care about to improve.

jimcollins.com

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