Ashley Fico, Ph.D.’s Post

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Founder | InnoQuests LLC | Customized puzzle hunts | Leadership development & communication skills training | Team building

“What did I do wrong?” It is one of the most dangerous questions that I’ve asked myself. I used to pose it far too often and in the worst situations. A snappy e-mail from a contact. A person in a position of power proclaiming my decisions would have negative ramifications. Even, a comment about my appearance: “Oh, you’re more than just a pretty face…” “What did I do wrong?” I’ve learned this is a way that people take away your voice. They convince you to become your own worst enemy. Because if you’re the problem, they are not. If you keep yourself quiet, then they don’t need to try so hard to keep you down. We all make mistakes. We all have behaviors that could be improved. Should we figure out what we did wrong? Apologize and accept responsibility? Absolutely. But, stop questioning your responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. Sometimes, you did nothing wrong. #growthmindset #womeninbusiness #success

Scott Benbow

Bringing the Science of 'How We Learn' to Youth Sport Coaching | Head Coach | Football Fun Factory | Workington & Whitehaven

3y

Oh I’ve been there, not a nice place. I now ask myself ‘what’s driving their behaviour?’ More often than not it’s had nothing to do with me.

Vedant Singh Thakur

Solving Growth & Profitability for Businesses.

3y

Questioning is important for growth but questioning your responsibility for things that aren't your fault is the worst we can do to ourselves. What a post🌸 Thanks for putting it so nicely Ashley Fico 🤗

Drew Howard 🍀

Mental Health Advocate. Author. Coach.

3y

This is so very insightful Ashley Fico as it makes me think of all the times I ASSUMED I did something wrong. Many times I have THOUGHT this and it couldn't be further from the truth. Someone doesn't show up to an event I throw then my mind races (OMG OMG DID I say something to offend them!? Are they pissed at me!? Are we not friends anymore!?). Then I come to realize their kid was sick and they had to stay home. . . 😂😂😂😂 Whenever I actually feel this way now, I stop and take a moment to really think through the situation THEN take action on how to move forward.

Keyur Kumbhare

LinkedIn personal branding for VPs and C-level executives | CEO @ GrowedIn

3y

As long as you believe in yourself, nothing can stop you from progressing.

Florian Decludt

Demand Generation Manager @ Clutch - I Help Agency Owners Increase Revenue

3y

Taking responsibility is a great thing but it can be a confidence destroyer. "What did I do wrong?" Is a dangerous questikn because it makes most assume they they are guilty of something. Having the courage and confidence to come to the conclusion that you did nothing wrong is liberating

Bryann Cabral🚀📚

Co - founder and CRO at Active Solutions

3y

You're right sometimes you truly didn't do anything wrong. But in our constant chase for self improvement we tend to forget that it's not always our fault. Hardest part is finding that balance.

Michael Kirsten

Marketing | Brand | Communication | Storytelling | Human

3y

Love that Ashley. If you pair this with approval seeking behaviour you are up for a toxic mix. Let stop questioning ourselves all the time. If you make a mistake...own it and apologise. But let's not blame ourselves for actions of others.

Niki Vinogradoff

Neuroscience-Based Coach For Business Owner Parents Who Want To Close Their Computer After A Focused 6-8 Hour Work Day and Have Energy and Time For Hobbies, Family and Spirituality | Ultrarunner | Meditator | Father

3y

Me: ''What did I do wrong?'' My Mind: ''Here is the list - the other 2 truck loads are right behind us'' 😃 so, indeed, not a smart question to ask. Well said ''But, stop questioning your responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.'' Yes! The other thing to NOT do is to ask any 'Why?' questions when we are too close to a problem that is emotional. Here is what works for me: 1. Investigate 2. Apologize if necessary, but not with tail between your legs. 3. See what can be learned and plan. 4. Feel the sting of steps 1-3 - and move on, even if the feeling lingers on for a while, it will subside. I like that we are on the same wave lenght today with our topics. This one ''Because if you’re the problem, they are not.'' Makes me think, that's a very attractive reason for blaming others. Thank you Ashley for another thoughtful one, made me think and see things bit differently - and that's worth a lot.

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