Xavori
My Boat
I had strolled back to Trinsic
for another visit (something about the complete lack of
intelligence found in the inhabitants keeps drawing me back.).
Not really having anything better to do, I meandered down to the
docks. There were a couple people fishing, so to blend in, I put
on a floppy hat, brown pants, blue shirt, and equipped my fishing
pole. I then start fishing. I seem to lack the special touch that
makes fishes jump up at my feet, but I did look convincing. So
much so, that the fisherman seemed to overlook me
"fishing" in their backpacks.
I kept this up for a few a
little while, giving what few fish I did catch to passing
peasants in order to keep in the good graces of the populace.
Then, my project showed up, a very young ranger whom the
commoners didn’t seem to like named Stompy.
"Do you want to buy a
boat?" asked the ranger.
"Nay, milord." I
replied.
He started back down the docks
from where he came, asking several other fisherman if they wanted
a boat. However, since he was asking 2000gp, and none of the
fisher folk could afford it, they all declined. I followed close
behind.
He finally came to the end of
the dock and I saw him unlock his boat and open the gangplank.
With a sudden leap, I beat him aboard and ran to his hold.
Opening it, I grabbed everything without even looking.
"Hey, get of my boat and
give me back my stuff," huffed Stompy.
"I think not," I
replied casually.
Stompy seemed particularly
flustered by my cavalier attitude and paced around. Finally, he
jumped to another boat, and I followed him.
"GET OFF MY BOAT!" he
screamed.
I yawned and smiled at him,
shaking my head.
"IF YOU DON’T,
I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he yelled even louder.
Now we were getting somewhere:
death threats from a wet-behind-the-ear knave. I do so enjoy
bringing people so much angst their mouths outrun their minds.
I strolled back to the tiller
man. I quickly changed out of my fisherman’s garb and into
my normal black plate mail. I put the tines of my warfork around
the tiller man’s neck and order him out to sea.
Surprisingly, he obeyed without question.
"GET OFF! GET OFF! GET
OFF!" Stompy bawled as he paced around the ship.
I merely glanced at him and
said, "Nay, thou cannot do harm me. Besides, this is my
boat."
"NO IT ISN’T.
IT’S MINE."
Obviously, no one has ever
bothered explaining to Stompy the concept of boat ownership
versus mere survival, and being a helpful type, I took it upon
myself to explain.
"The boat is mine.
However, if thou drops all thy gold, I shall sell it to thee.
Else, I shall be forced to kill thee as a stowaway."
"Are you a NPC?" he
asked.
I just stared at him completely
in shock. It has been my experience than when a would-be hero
calls someone a "NPC" he means a commoner like the
shopkeepers and peasants who inhabit the land. I was once a
commoner, but that was well behind me, and I take great offense
at being referred to as such now, especially by those who are far
beneath the commoners in intelligence. (besides which, can you
imagine the AI needed to pull of a scam like the one I was in the
middle of while carrying on a proper conversation?)
"I do not understand,
milord," I replied, mimicking the peasants. Then I smiled at
him.
"Drop thy gold, or shall
drop thee," I ordered.
"If you don’t get off
my boat, I’m going to call a GM," he blubbered.
First, he calls me a peasant.
Now he says he’s going to pray for divine intervention. This
was just too much.
I killed him.
I quickly dug through his
belongings and grabbed what little gold and reagents he had.
While searching for anything else that might be valuable, I found
the key to his boat. I then stashed the remainder of his
belongings in the hold. After a few moments, he resurrected.
The smart thing to do would be
to kill him again. However, I usually disdain killing, especially
when the victim is as weak and foolish as this whelp. He ran over
to the tillerman and had him set a course back to Trinsic. I went
to the tillerman and order him out farther to sea. The tillerman
for some unknown reason seemed to prefer Stompy’s orders to
mine. Stompy and I kept giving conflicting orders to the poor
confused tillerman. However, because I had to order two or three
times to Stompy’s once, we ended up back in Trinsic.
"Give me my stuff,
back," he demanded.
I realize he was dead, but even
still, he had to have seen me stash everything in the hold. Maybe
he just thought everything I put in there was mine, and I was
holding all his belongings still.
"Nay, I do not think thou
art in a position to demand anything."
"So what," he
replied. "I want my stuff back."
I thought for a moment. I
really did not want to go through the mess with arguing over the
tillerman, so I came up with a hasty plan.
"Take me to
Buccaneer’s Den, and I shall return thy goods."
"No, give me back my
stuff, and you can have the boat," he replied.
"I do not want this boat.
I wish to be taken to Buccaneer’s Den"
This was true. I didn’t
want this boat; I wanted his boat that I had the key for.
"Give me my stuff
back."
I will say this for him, he was
persistent.
"I will plot the course on
my map and give it to thee so thou can have the tillerman take us
to the Den. It is not a long journey, and once we are there, you
can take the boat and I shall give thee back thy equipment."
"Is it far?" he
asked.
"Nay. ‘Tis not far at
all," I said, happy that he seemed to be taking the bait.
"Okay, give me the
map."
I win.
I plotted the course and handed
him the map. I then moved away from him so he wouldn’t be
quite so nervous. He looked at the map, and then handed it to the
tillerman. With a word from Stompy, we were off.
"Why do you talk like
that?" he asked.
I almost killed him again, but
restrained myself since we were still in town and in the
jurisdiction of the tyrant British’s murderers.
"I do not understand,
milord. Doth my speech vex thee?"
"I don’t get
it."
"’Tis how I was
raised to speak, sirrah," I replied with pure disdain.
I waited a few moments till I
was sure we were in open waters. Then I casually walked up to him
and stuck the tines of my fork into his foolish heart. I then
turned the boat back to Trinsic.
After a few moments, I arrived
safe and sound. I quickly checked my key against all the locks on
the various ships at the docks. Finally, I found the boat that
was now completely mine. I walked up to the hold and grabbed
everything from my borrowed ship and jumped with it over to my
new ship. I cast magically enhanced my strength enough to walk
with the heavy load to the new hold and stashed everything away.
Then I locked my ship and went ashore to rest.
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