The millennials entering the workforce have grown up on a steady diet of positive feedback—and many expect to continue to earn steady praise, promotions, and raises on the job. As a result, managers are feeling the pressure to be supportive. The problem is, positive feedback is only half of the equation. Workers need to see their full performance picture if they are going to excel—and that means companies need ways to provide constructive criticism.
At Acceleration Partners (AP), I encourage managers to practice “respectful authenticity.” At its core, respectful authenticity is the ability to be genuine about your own point of view while also respecting others’ feelings and perspectives. This is an important principle that can support both business and personal relationships, leading to far better discussions and outcomes.
The purpose of feedback is to improve and not to demoralize, so it’s important to be accurate and authentic when guiding employees. Don’t get personal. Don’t blow little missteps out of proportion, and don’t hold grudges. My rule of thumb is to provide feedback within three days of an issue or let it go.
Whenever you are providing feedback, keep two things in mind:
- People want to be treated with respect and dignity.
- People want to know and can handle the truth.
Try to avoid accusative language, such as “you always do this,” or “you never do that.” Talk instead about the situation, the behavior, and the impact of that behavior on the company. For example, you might tell a sales rep that you noticed he tends to pause whenever a client asks a question. That might not seem like a big deal, but pausing can give the client the impression that he doesn’t know very much about the subject. You might say, “I don’t want anyone to question your ability, so consider telling the client you’ll get back to her on that.”
The point here is to explain the problem as it affects the business—and to emphasize that the issue isn’t something that just bugs you personally. While no one wants to misrepresent or muddle her own opinions, there is always a “best version of the truth”—one that makes the point while still leaving the other person feeling valued and respected.
To better explain what respectful authenticity looks like, I’ve created a 2x2 matrix showing types of feedback.
Here is an example. If someone asks, “How do you like this design?” and you honestly don’t like it, there are four types of responses.
- Blunt. You could simply say, “I hate it.” That’s an authentic response, but it’s also quite disrespectful.
- Passive Aggressive. If your reason for disliking the design is that you resent that your own design was passed over, you might say something like, “It’s fine, but I’m not sure the CEO will like it.” This kind of response is both inauthentic and disrespectful.
- Conflict Avoiding. Saying “I like it” when you don’t can be tempting, but it’s counterproductive. You’re trying to be respectful, but in this case you’re being inauthentic—and that kind of feedback won’t help either the employee or the company.
- Tactful and Sincere. “I’d prefer something that has [name different attributes].” This more measured response makes it clear that you have issues with the design and indicates a helpful new direction.
Too often, people operate either in the upper left-hand quadrant (Blunt) or in the lower right-hand quadrant (Conflict Avoiding), both of which have suboptimal outcomes. In the former, the message often gets lost in the delivery; in the later, an honest, respectful, and tactful answer is not being given. And don’t you think people deserve better than that?
At AP, my team and I work to move our feedback and communication toward the “Tactful and Sincere” quadrant. This concept aligns strongly with the principles outlined by Kim Scott in her book Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity (St. Martin's Press). “To be really great at feedback you have to get it, give it, and encourage it,” Scott says.
The next time you give feedback or are asked for your opinion, see how well being respectful and authentic can work for you. I’ve found the approach is especially valuable when I have a difficult message to convey. While the recipient may not necessarily agree with or like the feedback I provide, I find they usually appreciate that I delivered it in a respectful, authentic way.
Giving good feedback prevents people from repeating mistakes and enables them to improve. Once you’ve made it clear what behaviors work and don’t work, you can easily tell which of your team members will be able to learn, adjust, and ultimately grow with your company. These are the people to keep on your team because their growth will foster the growth of your business.
Robert is the founder and CEO of Acceleration Partners. Join 30,000 global leaders who follow his inspirational weekly Friday Forward at www.fridayfwd.com or invite him to speak.
