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Retiring

Grandparents Who Move to Be Closer to Grandchildren

Ann Meehan moved to Chevy Chase, Md., from Pennington, N.J., to be near her granddaughter, Madeline Ward.Credit...Lexey Swall for The New York Times

GERALD HARDAGE and his wife, Edie, were driving around in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado during a family visit when something clicked inside them. One granddaughter was crawling, and the other was 3 years old. Mr. Hardage said, “‘We should just move here,’ and I said, ‘O.K.,’ ” Mrs. Hardage, now 64, recalled.

Within months, the couple, who were retired, left St. Augustine, Fla., and rented a furnished two-bedroom condominium in Steamboat Springs, Colo. Leaving almost all their possessions in Florida — they took only clothes and other necessities — they rented out their Florida house. That was in 2008. The move required major adjustments — some of which were unexpected. And not everything turned out quite the way they had hoped. But they are grateful for the closeness they were able to develop with their grandchildren.

Not all grandparents have the wherewithal — or the desire — to be closer to their grandchildren. But with families increasingly far-flung, those who want to establish or maintain a bond may have to go where their grandchildren are. The big decision is whether that move is relatively permanent or clearly temporary, as the Hardages’ move turned out to be.

As of the 2010 census, 34 percent of grandparents were age 55 through 64, while 26 percent were 65 through 74. Twenty percent were 75 and older, and 20 percent were 45 through 54, according to The MetLife Report on American Grandparents: New Insights for a New Generation of Grandparents, July 2011.

Much of what grandparents decide to do depends on whether they have the relative freedom retirement conveys, what kinds of relationships they have with their grown children, whether they are married or living independently and their degree of real or perceived financial freedom.

“All grandparents in the nation are alike only in that they have one or more grandchildren,” the Met Life Report said. “Within that set of 65 million Americans, there are wide variations in socio-economic status and diversity, as there would be in any population that large.”

Based on United States Census Bureau surveys from March 2010, the mean annual income of grandparent-age households was $68,500, about $500 above the mean income for all households in the United States. Yet the same survey said the mean household income of the roughly half of grandparents who were ages 45 to 64 was $81,000 a year, much higher than the $46,400 mean income of households age 65 or older. In addition, the surveys found that about one in four grandparent-age households had an annual income of $90,000 or more, while another one in four had an income of less than $25,000 a year.

Beyond finances is the strength of family ties. Some grandparents are not inclined to move because they believe they live close enough at a 40-minute to two-hour drive. Others live across the country or on another continent. Some move; others visit.

One of the risks in moving, many grandparents have learned, is that their children might have to relocate for work, leaving the grandparents behind. So deciding whether to be a nearby grandparent or one from afar takes some soul-searching and analysis.

For the Hardages, moving was the right thing to do. But living in a region where winter sports, ranching and snow are the norm was tougher than they had imagined. The subzero temperatures were enough to drive them back to Florida five or six years later. The weather was particularly hard on Mr. Hardage, now 77. They ultimately moved to Lake Mary, Fla., near Orlando, but Mrs. Hardage continues to spend three to four months a year in Steamboat Springs. Her husband does not travel much anymore, she said.

She goes back and forth, and her daughter and grandchildren visit Florida, too.

Often, the desire to live near adult children changes over time. Parents who might not have considered moving closer to their children change their minds when a grandchild comes along.

It is the birth of the next generation, the “continuity of family,” said Christine Crosby, 69, editorial director of Grand magazine and a grandmother. “It changes your view of life,” she said.

“Even before my daughter became pregnant, I started thinking about coming down here,” said Ann Meehan, who relocated to Chevy Chase, Md., from Pennington, N.J., in 2013. “I had been here since July, so it was great to be here for all the anticipation.” Ms. Meehan’s daughter and son-in-law live in Arlington, Va., so she is near enough to be able to take care of her granddaughter when needed.

“I have my life here and I can go be with them,” said Ms. Meehan, who lived with her daughter’s family in Arlington from July to October while getting settled. “It kind of gives me the best of both worlds.”

After divorcing, Ms. Meehan was interested in starting a new life, and she found the Washington area appealing. She had driven down from New Jersey every six weeks to visit since 2008, and she had explored the area carefully.

Whether family members move sometimes “depends on the economic status of everybody,” Ms. Crosby said. “What can they afford?” Some grandparents, she said, move nearby “to be part of the economic solution for the parents.”

Another way some families adapt to the birth of grandchildren is to spend part of the year where the new generation lives. Some grandparents who live in colder climates than their grandchildren spend a month in the winter, allowing them to escape harsh weather at the same time. Others go back and forth on visits, while still others plan vacations with adult children and grandchildren. Some, like Ms. Crosby and her husband, Jonathan Micocci, decide to invest in a motor home — a “very modest” one, she said, that costs $25,000 — so they can live near their grandchildren temporarily. If the adult children have enough space for grandparents to stay with them for short or longer visits, it can make the difference between more and less time together.

Here is what grandparents suggest before moving to be near grandchildren:

■ Consider the relationship you have with your adult child. No matter how good it is, figure out your boundaries and how you would develop your own life if you moved.

■ Decide how you are going to spend your time in the new location. Mrs. Hardage, for example, found a part-time job and joined the local Chamber of Commerce so she was not always dependent on her family to use up her time and energy.

■ Realize you may be leaving longtime friends and the support of a community. Think about how to establish new relationships.

“You have to find your own community,” said Judith Botvin, 74, who lives in Denver.

■ Analyze the financial impact of moving. If you have more than one child and more than one grandchild, and want to relocate, compare the cost of living in each area with the cost where you are. If finances are not a big factor, you can move anywhere. If they are, make sure you figure out a budget before you put your home on the market.

“If you’re working, it’s much harder,” said Ms. Botvin, who has grandchildren in the Denver area and in Jakarta, Indonesia. “If you are older and retired, it’s much easier.”

She and her husband, who is 80, traveled to Indonesia two years ago and spent a lot of time with their daughter and her family.

“It’s a hard trip and an expensive trip,” she said. “It was only fun because my daughter really wanted us to come.”

Traveling with grandchildren or several generations is another way to bond. A survey from AARP released in April found that 47 percent of those age 45 and older planned to take a multigenerational family trip within a year. The three top motivators were bringing the entire family together, 83 percent said; helping to build fond memories, 69 percent said; and enabling grandparents to spend time with grandchildren, 50 percent said.

Despite the financial costs of relocating, even temporarily, the bonds formed and memories made are irreplaceable. “It was an experience I would never trade for anything,” Mrs. Hardage said.

A version of this article appears in print on  , Section B, Page 5 of the New York edition with the headline: Pulling Up Stakes to Be Near the Grandchildren. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

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