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"One more hug and kiss?" my 9-year-old son requests before I leave his room for the night. I turn back and see his sleepy smile and pleading eyes. How I can resist? A quick squeeze and peck on the lips, and off I go.
This happens every night as part of our bedtime routine. My husband or I (or both of us) will join our son in his room for reading time, a short snuggle, and then, we tuck him in. A kiss on his lips before saying goodnight, from either my husband or me, has always just been what we do. We haven't thought twice about it.
My son could be quietly playing, acting out different roles and voices with his Minecraft figures. Or he might be making his favorite scrambled eggs for all of us to enjoy. Or, he might be hanging out with our dog, giving him belly rubs. Whatever it is, I have these moments of pure joy and love for this kid, this boy we created that is somehow out here in this world being the person that he is. In these moments, I cozy up to him and say, "Smooch?" If he's up for one, he purses his lips for a kiss.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Just like there is absolutely nothing wrong with Victoria Beckham kissing her daughter, Harper. Beckham shared the adorable photo to Instagram along with some sweet wishes for her little girl's 5th birthday. Commenters took that as their opportunity to blast Beckham for the kiss, posting criticisms like, "Eww sorry I'm old-fashioned it looks like they making out" and, "You're not supposed to kiss you're children on the lips. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's true."
Thankfully, some people recognized the idiocy of this response, and social media was soon inundated with photos of moms kissing their kids on the lips.
Sadly, I can understand, to some extent, where this response is coming from. Whether you're looking at a billboard on the highway or TV commercials, you can't help by see hypersexual ads for anything from underwear (fair enough!) to burgers (why?!). And since just about everything is portrayed with sexual innuendo — even ground beef — people might struggle to see any image of physical affection as completely innocent.
Many countries beyond our borders feel more free with displays of love and respect. I'm a first-generation American (my mother was born in Germany and my father immigrated from Israel), and I grew up in a household where kisses on the mouth were doled out as routinely as meals and gesundheits.
In retrospect, I realize my parents were also modeling true warmth and affection. This is something that my husband and I have also tried to instill in our son. And beyond that, we're teaching him about consent and bodily autonomy. He's grown up knowing that he doesn't have to hug or kiss anyone — especially if they demand it. He also understands the right thing to do is to always check to see if it's OK with someone, anyone before you kiss them.
And speaking of getting permission before planting a kiss, I realize there will probably come a day soon when my son answers my request for a "smooch" with "nah."
That's why, after my initial wave of annoyance over the backlash to Beckham's post passed, I found myself growing wistful. Look, I know that at some point — probably soon — my son might get embarrassed by these sweet displays of affection. While it makes my heart twinge to even imagine being rebuffed, I get it. I remember adolescence.
We've actually jokingly talked about it before, during our nighttime routine. I've asked whether he'll ever outgrow being lovey-dovey with his mom. He reassures me that he won't. Perhaps, when the time comes, I'll remind him of that promise. In his nearly 10-year-old mind, he is still so comfortable with our pecks and cuddles that he can't imagine the way we show affection ever changing. And who knows, maybe it won't.
But in a society that hurls a heaping load of disgust at a celebrity for innocently kissing her daughter, I'm going to steal smooches while I can — and I'm not going to apologize for it.
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