Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis has always been ahead of her time.
As first lady, she brought unprecedented glamour to the White House, setting the standard for modern political spouses. In the fashion realm, she was the original “influencer,” introducing trends that are still style staples. The wealthy brunette even became a hero to working women when she embarked on a midlife career as a book editor.
And now we can add another notable, albeit dubious accomplishment to her trailblazing résumé: Jackie Kennedy was also the original helicopter parent.
This past week, Page Six reported that she had filled out son John F. Kennedy Jr.’s application to Brown University back in 1978 — and throughout his four years at the Ivy League school, she worked diligently to ensure he didn’t flunk any of his classes, going so far as to correspond with his professors.
“I’m so glad that Brown is so strong on relationships between the students and teachers — and parents,” she wrote to one.
As it turns out, her meddling approach was quite prescient. According to administrators in higher education, parents today regularly pull a “Jackie O” and incessantly intervene in their children’s affairs at school: calling up university presidents to resolve roommate issues; impersonating their kids on the phone; and even secretly (but obviously) doing the schoolwork themselves.
Experts say it’s creating a helpless generation that is neither equipped nor inclined to solve simple life problems as adults.
“I’ve seen it across the board,” said Jonathan Gibralter, president of Wells College in upstate New York. “I don’t quite understand why but there seem to be parents who are insecure about letting their kids go.”
Before landing at Wells in 2015, he was the president at Frostburg State University in Maryland for nearly a decade and has seen an uptick in the overbearing behavior.
“I think the wackiest example was when a mother called and asked for permission to do her daughter’s internship for her because [the girl] had too much anxiety. I said, ‘It sounds to me that this would be a fun and interesting experience for you but I don’t think your daughter is going to get any credit for it,’ ” recalled Gibralter.
An administrator at a liberal arts college in the Northeast, who asked to remain anonymous for professional reasons, has trouble keeping up with the parental texts and e-mails that flood her phone.
“Over the last two or three years it’s become unbearable,” she said. “I’ve had parents calling up and impersonating their children, asking questions that could have been easily asked by their kids. One lady didn’t even bother to disguise her Long Island soccer-mom voice.”
Recently, a student reached out to the administrator via e-mail to sign up for a peer-mentoring program with a rigorous registration process.
“We paired him up with a [mentor], did the registration,” she recalled. “And when he never showed up, his mom admitted she had signed him up without him knowing. We thought the whole time we were having an [e-mail] conversation with the student” — but it was actually his mother.
An assistant athletic director at a Connecticut college has seen similar parental behavior.
“In their mind, they’re paying you.” She explained how, “We have numerous parents asking if we can wake up their kids and walk them to class. They ask for these things in all seriousness; there’s no, ‘I’m sorry to do this to you.’ I’ve seen a parent ask my associate if we can make sure their kid is taking their medication.”
The assistant athletic director has also seen the long arms of moms and dads extend into the classroom.
“I know of parents who have done their kid’s homework for years,” she said, recalling a recent incident in which a student turned in an unacceptable paper. The professor gave him a second chance to complete it — and shortly after, the student’s mother e-mailed the professor asking for details on the assignment.
“When the professor got the homework back, it was written in a completely different [voice]. It was clear the mother had done the assignment,” she said. “And this happens on more occasions than I’d like to admit. These students are supposed to be ‘adults,’ but it’s just anything to get that degree.”
Education sources also say that the mounting costs of tuition seem to make some parents feel entitled to be a hands-on participant in their children’s education.
“There is a level of sympathy I have for them because most of their intentions are good. They worry about their child,” the administrator said. “They’re writing a huge check and feel like it’s their right to get this information. You want to say ‘none of your damn business,’ but you can’t. They’re still paying customers.”
Such behavior is not only nosy, it can also be illegal. The federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) protects the privacy of student education records — meaning parents aren’t allowed to acquire information from professors without their child’s consent. Many professors and administrators are steadfast in their adherence to FERPA and use it to give parents the brushoff.
But it doesn’t stop parents from trying.
“I always respond to emails about academic concerns with, ‘Please have your son see me so I can respond in person.’ But I don’t think the parents even [know] the FERPA laws,” said the administrator.
Higher education is responding to the changing culture with seminars and even parent liaison offices.
Harlan Cohen, who wrote the book “The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” is in demand at schools as an instructional speaker.
“I’ve heard all of the horror stories,” said Cohen, who recently led a seminar for parents at Purdue University in Indiana. “I’ve heard stories of parents wanting to come along for job interviews, coming unannounced to resident halls and reaching out to the president for every little situation.”
Still, he said, “I’m sympathetic to both sides.”
He blames technology for the seismic shift in academic life. Previous generations had to rely on landlines and phone cards to call home, limiting contact and allowing kids to feel their way through challenges. Now, armed with smartphones, students are apt to sound off with a text or social-media post after a frustrating encounter with a professor or roommate — raising the alarm back at home.
“The natural divide with teen and adult has been blurred by technology and has enabled teens and parents to stay in contact during the time of transition. It’s a natural inclination for [families] to want to do more,” said Cohen.
In fact, parents have come to expect constant contact from their collegiate offspring.
“A parent will call their son and daughter and if [the kid] doesn’t pick up on the first ring, they will call campus safety to find them. Maybe they’re in class. Maybe they’re not picking up their phone,” said Gibralter. “Parents are overly worried. In some ways, we’re all too connected and we don’t know how to be with ourselves anymore.”
And because anyone can find almost any administrator’s phone number online, parents’ first calls will be to corner offices instead of the folks actually involved in the problem.
“People go above coaches — going to athletic directors, deans of students and presidents with no qualms. The amount of calls a president gets now is insane,” said the assistant athletic director.
Gibralter explained how his own office phone has become a glorified customer-service line.
“A dad called me because his son wasn’t getting any time on the men’s baseball team. I said, ‘Have you asked your son why he’s not playing?’ He said, ‘No but we’re paying for him to go to school and he should play.’ I said, ‘Maybe your son could talk to his coach.’ To his credit, the father took my advice. The coach told the kid honestly [why he wasn’t getting playing time] and put him on an extensive workout routine.
“The coach got him to a point where he was a starter the next year,” Gibralter added.
Cohen advises giving students 24 hours to work through the issue on their own. But more importantly, parents need to nurture independence before their kids leave the nest.
“The rules are: to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. This needs to start in high school,” said Cohen.
And maybe put down the phone now and again.
“Kids don’t have coping skills or communication skills to handle a conflict because they are constantly on their phones,” said the administrator. “We expect them to seek out their parents’ advice, but more importantly, they should be fighting their own battles.”