Can 10- and 7-year-old picky eaters, accustomed to being served the easy meals they prefer, change their ways?
The first Picky Eater Project for the Motherlode blog, chronicled how we successfully helped a family with one very picky 4-year-old transform mealtimes and help the child — and his twin — open up to new tastes and new rules, especially around dinnertime. To his parents’ relief, they no longer feel compelled to make two dinners, and we called the project a complete success. The truth is, it almost seemed too easy. Would it work for older children?
This time, we’re working with the parents Marlo and Corey and their children: Brooke, 10, and Hunter, 7. Brooke refuses to eat many foods, preferring pasta with butter and cheese or ramen noodles. Her younger brother almost always follows her lead, and to make sure the two active children have enough energy, vitamins and minerals to grow, Marlo and Corey are willing to prepare something different for each child just to be sure that they eat enough. Their primary goal is to make one dinner for the whole family, and to have the children eat more vegetables (carrots are their default) and fish (which they will not eat). Over the next six weeks, we (the authors Sally Sampson, founder and editor of the nonprofit children’s cooking magazine Chop Chop and Natalie Digate Muth, a practicing pediatrician and registered dietitian) will work to help them reach those goals.
The big question, for Marlo and Corey and for many families like theirs: Once picky eating is a set pattern, is it better to avoid a lot of heartache, fighting, wasted food, and the children potentially going to bed hungry by just letting them eat the foods they like?
It isn’t better, and what’s more, it isn’t necessary. Between us, we have worked with hundreds of families who are committed to raising their children to be healthy eaters. Along the way, almost all of them (ourselves included) have had to deal with the very common experience of picky eating. We’ve found that the best way to help children expand their eating preferences — especially school-aged children — is to get them involved in growing, choosing, preparing and experimenting with food. In other words, teaching children to cook.
To help Marlo, Corey, Brooke and Hunter, we sat down with them to better understand their family mealtime routines. Marlo, a nurse in a cardiac cath lab, has a very sporadic schedule, including many overnight and weekend calls. Corey works as a federal agent with erratic but somewhat flexible hours.
There is not a lot of time or desire to throw together gourmet meals. Not that the children would eat them anyway. Marlo and Corey think their children are “picky eaters” because they won’t try entire categories of food, and they refuse almost anything unfamiliar. (For the purposes of this column, a picky eater is a child who won’t try foods, not one who is willing to try but doesn’t like a particular food or foods.)
Marlo and Corey usually start by offering one meal. But when the children refuse it (which they do more often than not), the parent cooking readily jumps up and makes something else. Marlo and Corey would like their children to be more adventurous in their eating choices, but do not feel it is worth fighting about or letting them “starve” by refusing to cook something different. Both agree that Brooke is the pickiest of the two. She is also the most influential. If she tries something, Hunter will too. If she refuses or rejects it, there is little chance Hunter will go for it, unless he is trying to win bonus points.
Interestingly, when Brooke learned about the project, she jumped up and pulled an apron out of the kitchen drawer and exclaimed, “Wait, does this mean I get to learn how to cook?” Hunter’s reaction was to share his disdain for brussels sprouts, but then later offered that if he helped make it and it looked as if it would taste good, he would give almost anything a try.
This first meeting, we set goals.
Marlo’s goal is to get the children to eat more variety of healthy foods, especially fruits and vegetables. She would really like them to eat fish, because she loves it and would like to eat it together as a family.
Corey’s goal is for the whole family to eat the same meal, and ideally to get a list of meals that everyone will eat rather than eating the same one acceptable meal day in and day out.
Brooke’s goal is to learn to flip a pancake without having it smear all over the pan, and to be trusted to use not only the microwave but also the oven, stove and toaster. Her all-time favorite meal is turkey, stuffing and cranberries. She says her favorite vegetable is broccoflower, which she has never tried, and celery.
Hunter’s goal is learn to make artichokes, which he tried at a friend’s house, thanks to positive peer pressure, and to his surprise he really liked. His all-time favorite food is pizza. He says his favorite vegetable is artichokes (his parents would say it’s carrots).
Based on those goals, we gave the family a realistic plan for the week:
Create a mission statement together. What do you hope to achieve together by the end of the six weeks?
Make a few “mealtime rules” for everyone. We offered our 10 Rules for Picky-free Parenting
(available at
the link, and below), like “We are one family, and we will eat one meal” and “As parents, we will decide what foods are offered, when, and where. As kids, we will decide what we will eat and
how much.”
Cook one meal together this week. Based on this family’s food preferences, we offered the following recipes to try: Roasted Carrots, Pasta Pesto with Peas, and Avocado Green Goddess Dressing.
Plant a small herb garden Put a few plants in the windowsill or backyard to harvest from later.
Try one new food For Brooke and Hunter: Taste something that you’ve never had before and write a quick sentence of what you thought of it to share next week.
Over the next six weeks, we will share this family’s experience; what we suggest, what the children commit to and how it all turns out. If you have a picky eater in the family, know that it can’t change unless you try, and better yet, try together. Join us for your own “picky eater project,” and share your stories here.
10 Rules of Picky-free Parenting:
1. As parents, we will be good role models. We will only ask the kids to eat foods that we are willing to eat ourselves.
2. As parents, we will decide what foods are offered, when, and where. As kids, we will decide of the food that is offered, what we will eat and how much.
3. We will value the process of learning to be more adventurous eaters. We will be willing to try new foods, even if it is just a tiny bite.
4. We do not have to clean our plates. We will listen to our bodies and let hunger be our guide.
5. We will not offer food rewards. In other words, we do not have to ‘eat our vegetables’ in order to get dessert. We will not reward good behavior with sweets and ‘treats’.
6. Mealtimes are a family affair. As often as we can, we will shop, cook, and eat together.
7. We are one family, and we will eat one meal. We will not make separate meals. But we will be sure to include at least one thing each family member likes at each meal.
8. We will learn together about food, nutrition, farming, and cooking.
9. We will have fun, play, and experiment with new foods.
10. We will be consistent in following these rules, but not rigid.
The Picky Eater Project: Sally Sampson, cookbook author and founder of Chop Chop Kids, the nonprofit publisher of Chop Chop magazine, a quarterly magazine dedicated to reversing and preventing childhood obesity, and Natalie Digate Muth, a pediatrician and registered dietitian at Children’s Primary Care Medical Group in San Diego and author of ‘“Eat Your Vegetables!’ and Other Mistakes Parents Make” will spend six weeks trying to help one family change the eating habits of a family with two picky school-aged children (ages 7 and 10).