The Child Who Declares ‘I Want to Be Rich’

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Chloe, the enviable star of “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”Credit Walt Disney Pictures

Kids will ask startling questions about money on a regular basis. It’s their job to be curious, and money is extra mysterious since grown-ups don’t talk about it enough and sometimes lie when they do.

In some ways, however, the inquiries are easier to handle than the bold statements. With these questions, there’s the certainty of at least a bit of uncertainty. You can bob and weave and stall and search your mind for a few seconds.

Not so with the declarations. Take the pronouncement, “I want to be rich,” which I hear about frequently. It’s a goal. Goals are good. But it can sound like an accusation too, as if parents have come up wanting in the provider category. It may be tempting to be a little defensive. And it can sound, too, as if everything you have ever said or meant to say about what’s really important in life has gone in one ear and out the other.

So let’s get one thing straight right away: There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be rich. Talking about money does not subvert values, as Nan J. Morrison, who runs the Council for Economic Education, once put it to me. Having a lot of it (or wanting to) need not mess people up either.

But materialism — when people focus more on possessions than relationships and believe more stuff will make them happier — can be dangerous. Decades of science have proven it, as Tim Kasser, a psychology professor at Knox College, showed in his excellent and highly readable book “The High Price of Materialism.”

A father of two himself, he provided some useful context for understanding where kids who want to be rich may be coming from. Turns out two things might be happening.

First, there’s social modeling. Perhaps a reality show or something that their friends are doing or wearing that they can’t afford has led them to this new goal. Teens, with their noses pressed up against the iPad or smartphone glass, often don’t grasp that many kids use social media to present the best versions of themselves: the coolest kids going to the neatest places wearing the nicest things. The feeds and threads are teenage highlight reels, but kids who don’t realize that turn them into turbocharged engines of envy.

Then there is the possible feelings of threat or insecurity. A parent may have lost a job. Or a child may have merely overheard an argument or one-sided phone call about money that made them worry. Getting rich one day means being free from all that, or at least it seems that way.

It’s hard for any of us to know for sure what drives a child’s desire to be wealthy, so ask. It helps to do so in a friendly tone of voice, not one that sounds like an indictment is forthcoming. What does that word rich mean to you? What would be better about being rich? Do we know anyone who is rich whom you admire?

Once you get a bead on where the conviction is coming from, a few more probing questions might be in order. How much do you think you will have to work become rich? What would you have to sacrifice? Would it be worth it?

Mr. Kasser is quick to note that his research has always been on desire and not outcome. But he did point out that making much more than $75,000 each year doesn’t seem to make people happier. Since we’re in the business of making happy adults here, it’s worth pointing this out to kids, even with younger ones. Why might it be true that having more money doesn’t make people happier? What could we get with $375,000 instead of $75,000, and would it help?

Avoiding conversations about money with kids is rarely a good idea, even when it’s a brushoff like “We can’t afford that.” A statement like “I want to be rich” may make parents uncomfortable, but it’s still worth talking about honestly. When we shut the conversation down or don’t tell the truth or the whole truth, kids can usually tell. And what they learn is that they should go elsewhere with their biggest questions.

Mr. Kasser does worry that the drive to be rich can result in a damaging materialism. Parents who might be concerned can watch for signs that children care more about the reaction people will have to their possessions and less about how useful or fun they are. But he’d never want to come down hard on his own kids for merely expressing a desire to have a lot more money. “I think giving children that sort of freedom is what will facilitate ongoing conversation,” he said. “You have to recognize that parenthood is for the rest of your life.”